Check-ins create better discussions

In English we generally use the phrase “checking in” in one of two contexts:

1. “I’m just checking in on how you’re doing” - meaning I’m making a check on your welfare, reassure myself and to let you know that I care

2. “I’m checking in to my hotel/for my flight” - meaning I’m depositing my baggage and informing you that I am here, all present and correct, for the thing I have booked

There’s a nice concept, that can be very useful for teams to have available, which is also called “checking in”, and combines something from both of these meanings of the phrase. It’s both about checking on your welfare, and about dropping of your baggage. It’s about showing that you care, and about being ‘all present and correct’.

Very simply, a “check in” is a part of a conversation in which we share as much of our emotional context as much as we wish.

A “check in” can be a formal process. For instance, a meeting can begin with a check in round, in which each participant is invited to say what’s going on for them. Is there anything on their mind that’s stopping them concentrating on the conversation they’re about to have? Are they in a particularly good or bad mood, in a way that might influence their decision making? Are they feeling worried about the topic that’s about to be discussed? A check in round is a space for people to name these things. Each person speaks in turn. There is no cross-talk (IE you only speak for yourself, you don’t respond to other people). It’s also totally valid participation in a check in round to say nothing (and a simple “hello”, or “I’m here”, or “nothing to add” let’s the next person know it’s their turn to speak).

Check in rounds can be helpful to start a meeting because they are a quick way to build a shared context about “what’s going on for us”. But they don’t only have to come at the start of a meeting. If a discussion is getting particularly heated, a check in round can be deployed to help clear the air.

Checking in, in this sense of ‘sharing emotional context’, is not always something that happens formally, as part of a designated structure. This is important for managers to be aware of.

When you introduce a new idea or initiative, very often the first thing that will happen is that people will check in. There will be a little (or big) tide of emotion that is simply a response to the fact that something is changing.

• “This is terrible!”

• “I hate this!”

• “What an awful idea!”

These are very common responses to change!

When change is happening, many people's first response is negativity. But once that has been checked in - once the tide has flowed in and out fully - people’s views may change. They may also not change, but my point is that the first response is often not the one that people will land on when they have had a chance to consider, and the considered response only comes once the emotional response has been released¹.

Whether it’s happening formally or informally, supporting people to check in helps them have better and more productive discussions about the real issues.

1. This happens quite a lot in the TV show, The Hotel Inspector. When Alex Polizzi goes into a hospitality business as a consultant, the owners quite often gripe and grumble about her suggestions, but by the end of the project have embraced them whole heartedly. It’s a great show if you want to study effective client-consultant relationships.